Defeat

So my Iowa City doctor wrote us back and said nothing worrisome showed up on the scan. So I'm glad to know that there is nothing serious.

However, I'm very frustrated at the fact that I'm being given the throw-away diagnosis of having irritable bowel syndrome (aka IBS). They thought I had that in the beginning, until they did a scope and found my insides lined with bleeding ulcers and extremely swollen. But any time they can't pinpoint an exact cause to the pain, they just say I have IBS.

But what the heck can I be doing to stop this??

I've eliminated SOOOO MUCH from my diet, people are surprised that there is food out there that exists that I can actually eat.

So I'm going to go through another whole journey of eliminating foods and stuff.

Gosh this is so freaking frustrating.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive. I'm just so angry right now. If this is IBS, it's freaking worse than crohn's disease. Because it's keeping me up at night, it makes me want to puke, I'm in a LOT of pain, during my own piano lesson today I had to stop playing to bend over in pain.

Where in the depths of hell is this pain being pulled from and stuck in my stomach? I'm so tired of it, I've been with it for far too long. I'm finally out of the hell-hole of high school, my life is finally starting to look good, can't my body just figure it out that it needs to get out of its own hell hole??? Get better?

I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired of being frustrated because of this. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of getting the throw-away diagnosis, and I'm tired of all the physical troubles it gives me.

I'm so tired. So tired.

"Oh how praying rests the weary" - Did You Think To Pray

"Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

"I believe in Christ, he stands supreme! From him I'll gain my fondest dream; and while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard "Ye shall obtain." I believe in Christ; so come what may, With him I'll stand in that great day when on this earth he comes again to rule among the sons of men." - I Believe in Christ

hmm. Hum your favorite hymn. Whatever it may be at this time.